Saiyan Claus
by Jack Of Some Trades
Summary: It's not Vegeta's fault he attacked some intruder and broke his leg. It's also not his fault that said intruder just happened to be Father Christmas.


**__**

Disclaimer: Let's look at something. Kakarot is an idiot. I abhor idiots. Would I make a show starring bloody Kakarot, who is the God of all stupid persons? No! No I would not! I would, in fact, very pointedly avoid creating such a television program.

'Twas the night before Christmas… wait, no.

Well, it did happen to be the night before Christmas when this tale takes place. And, by astonishing coincidence, everyone actually inside the Capsule Corporation building did happen to be asleep. Vegeta, however, was wide-awake and, as usual, training.

He left a bit earlier than usual, since the Woman had said something about some stupid human holiday she made him celebrate. Gift giving and whatnot. Vegeta wasn't overly fond of it, but it made the Woman and his brat happy, and though he would admit it to no one, that made him happy.

At any rate, he left the Gravity Room early. As he left, he became aware of some weak power signature on the roof of the Capsule Corporation. Obviously human, but not quite. As if he'd been around for a while. There were also nine beasts of some kind.

Vegeta didn't really care how long he'd been around, though, nor what he had with him. It was an intruder. Near _his family_. That was a dangerous thing to do in the presence of a Saiyan, let alone the Saiyan Prince.

Vegeta leapt straight up into the air and fired a ki blast at the man. It was pathetically weak, but still dangerous to an untrained human. "Argh!" he cried as he slid down the roof and fell to the ground.

The noise, Vegeta could tell, was plenty to wake Bulma up. He decided to refrain from killing the man until his mate had examined him. Instead, he settled for kicking him a few times while he was down.

"Vegeta…" Bulma muttered, clutching her coat tightly to her body. "Why are you being so noisy in the middle of the night?"

Vegeta grunted and kicked his captive again. "I caught this bastard trying to sneak in through the chimney," he said.

"Chimney?" Bulma said blankly. "Oh my Dende, Vegeta, you just broke Santa's leg!"

Vegeta stood silent for a few seconds, then said, "Who?"

"Santa Claus!"

"I bring toys and gifts to boys and girls all over the world," piped the grounded old man for the first time. He looked, Vegeta reflected, not too much unlike the Fat Ass that had attacked him the first time he was on Earth. "Not tonight, obviously."

"Oh, I'm so… sorry, Santa!" Bulma exclaimed, kneeling to check his injuries. As far as she could tell, it wasn't any more than the leg. "Vegeta had no idea who you were, he thought you might be a danger…"

"Quite alright, Bulma dear. But I suppose those gifts for Trunks are the last ones that are going to make it this year."

"If you ever again rhyme in my presence I will destroy you," Vegeta snarled.

"VEGETA!" Bulma chided. Vegeta merely shrugged. Then Bulma's eyes lit up with an idea. "You know, if you give him one of your Sensu beans…"

"Don't have any." What he didn't add was that he wouldn't have shared if he did.

"It's no big worry, Bulma. Children often get too many gifts from their parents to worry about old Santa," the tubby man in red comforted. "Besides, even if I could get repaired, I've lost too much time to make it around the world in one night."

Vegeta scoffed. "I could make it around the world in one hour. A minute, if I powered up." _Are all humans so pathetically slow?_ he thought.

Bulma looked from the large bag of toys on the sleigh to her husband and back. "You know, you could…"

"Yes. So could Kakarot, were he still alive." Vegeta made no attempt to look mournful about his fallen comrade/rival.

"But he isn't. And you are. And _you_ could carry the toys around the world…" Bulma grinned.

"No."

"Vegeta!"

"_No!_"

"Fine. You can't. I understand."

"I can so! I just choose not to."

Bulma knew she had him in her pocket. "Okay Vegeta, whatever you say."

"Damn it, Woman!" Vegeta growled. "I can, and I am!" With that, he grabbed the large bag, the list of where its contents were to go, and flew off.

~*~

Vegeta had known before he'd even grabbed the bag that Bulma had tricked him. However, he refused to go back and admit failure on top of foolishness.

Vegeta saw that over half of the list was crossed out already. However, it wasn't the crossed out names that caught his attention.

"'Son'?" he groaned. "Stupid Harpy and stupid spawn of Kakarot."

He didn't so much mind the spawn of Kakarot, as he called them, as much as he minded the fact that he would have to be quiet to not draw their Saiyan senses to him. That, and the so-called Harpy had better ears than Kakarot and Vegeta combined. He swore there had to be Saiyan in her somewhere.

Old Saint Nick would have taken the chimney. Vegeta, however, had the advantage of knowing the owner never locked the door. He strode casually in, strode casually out, casually grabbed the bag of toys, and strode casually in.

The bag, through some freakish human technology, was rather light, but when he looked, it contained more toys than could even be capsulised. Vegeta took a couple at random, which he noticed to actually be addressed to "Goten" and "Gohan", and threw them under the tree. Then he dashed out the door before Chi-Chi could register the _thunk_ of a pair of gifts.

Satan City and West City went by quickly, since apparently most of the children there had shown up on Santa's "naughty list" (if he'd known what it was, Vegeta likely would have preferred the company of said list, which included himself and Bulma, both of whom could get very naughty). He was shocked to deliver a gift to the brat of the fool with the bad hairstyle and moustache, though.

Vegeta sped by the Kame House, where he left a toy robot for the Monk's girl. He thought it was ironic, and the best part of it was that he had nothing to do with it.

Tiring of his load, which was taking up more time than he thought appropriate, Vegeta transformed into his more powerful (and blond!) counterpart and flew at top speed around the rest of the planet. Finally, he saw only one more name, which was currently not on Earth.

~*~

Kami's Lookout, or Dende's Lookout depending on how one looks at it, was not close enough to Earth for Vegeta's tastes. Meaning he had to fly two seconds longer than usual to reach it.

He'd long since abandoned the gift bag somewhere over Kyoto and now only carried the gift box. Suddenly, a short, black-skinned man came into his field of view. _Oh, that's what I need,_ thought Vegeta. _People to start thinking I'm nice._ He hurriedly hid the gift behind his back as Mr Popo walked up to him. "Hello, Vegeta. Nice to see you," Mr Popo greeted amicably. "What brings you here?"

"Er…" Vegeta puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. "Ah! I needed a couple Sensu Beans."

"You?"

"Yes, me! Now get them!" Vegeta exclaimed.

As Mr Popo ambled away, Vegeta sneaked into Dende's room, where the Earth Guardian was sleeping on the job. He dropped the gift beside him and rushed out.

"Ha," Vegeta said when he'd realised neither Dende nor Popo knew he'd been there.

"Having a happy Christmas, Vegeta?" asked a gruff voice behind him.

"Shut up, Namek," Vegeta spat. He turned to look Piccolo in the eye. Or rather, chest. However small he was, though, Vegeta could frighten a cork out of a particularly stubborn champagne bottle if it suited him.

"Don't worry Vegeta," the green ma—pers—asexual creature grinned. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Good."

"Even though it is so sweet," Piccolo cackled.

"Shut up, Namek!"

By this time, a rather confused Popo had returned with Vegeta's Sensu Beans. Giving the black man a curt nod, which is about as close to a thank-you as Vegeta gets, Vegeta powered up and was gone.

~*~

"Here. Eat," Vegeta ordered to the fat man who had now taken refuge on his sofa.

"Beans? No thanks, they give me gas," Santa replied.

"That wasn't a request, human. Eat."

Saint Nick sighed and took one. "Fine, but I warned you." He popped it in his mouth and chewed. Suddenly, he felt stronger than ever before. As if he could pull the reindeer around. "Wow!" he exclaimed.

"Feel better?" Bulma asked, concerned.

"Do I ever!"

"Good," Vegeta said. "Leave."

"Vegeta, I am thankful for all you've done for me and the children today…"

"Good for you."

"And I feel I should do something for you. You'll receive your gift when you need it most." With that, Santa put his finger on his nose, nodded his head, and disappeared.

"Fool acts like Kakarot," Vegeta muttered. Bulma hit him. "Ow!"

"What do you think you were doing, attacking Santa Claus?" Bulma screeched, causing Vegeta to wince.

"How am I supposed to know what he is? I thought he was a threat!"

"You ignorant, selfish, self-contained…" Vegeta braced himself for another assault, "beautiful, caring man!" _What? _he thought.

"What are you talking about, Woman?" Vegeta asked, not sure if this was some ploy.

"You were trying to save my life! And Trunks' life! Oh… Vegeta!" She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. "How about I let you unwrap your Christmas present early?"

"Hmm?" Vegeta looked into his mate's eyes and grinned. "Oh…"

~*~

"You'll receive your gift when you need it most…"


End file.
